Pass on Gas
November 17, 2008 rzeppa13
“I got five cents five, five, five, do I hear ten? Ten to the lady, in the front, ten, ten, ten, do I hear more? Twenty five, fifty, fifty cents, do I hear seventy five? Anyone for seventy five cents?” This is how the private and illegal underground auction bidding goes for gas that is sneaked in from other countries. This secretive auctioning happens once a month in different group members of the Pass on Gas Committee’s basements. It is dangerous and risky. The last person who was caught was sentenced to buying gas at full price for three whole months. His financial status sank, he was unable to buy a loaf of bread for his family, but mostly was looked down upon by the rest of the community. It wasn’t the fact that he was participating in the underground distribution of gas but rather, the fact that he was caught. Now, the government knows they’re out there. Those who are willing to fight back against authority to find gas in any way they can. Since gas prices have risen to an outrageous price, crime and prostitution rates have risen. Just yesterday there were sixty nine men arrested for prostituting themselves out on local street corners. When asked what he was turning tricks for, he said, “I gotta find some way to fill up my Ford F150. I can’t afford this diesel anymore and hunting season is just around the corner. How are men expected to do those things that guys need to do with their big trucks if they can’t even fill them up with gas?” Car dealerships have almost completely gone out of business. With gas prices so high, let’s just say that no one is in the car buying market. People are practically trying to give their cars away. There are cars for sale everywhere you look. New Ferraris are selling for one grand. Normally it would be any car fanatics dream but with gas prices so high no one bothers buying cars at all, much less nice ones. It seems like there is no escaping the familiar story of the high costs. Everyone is talking about it and it seems like that’s all they’re talking about. The movie Zoolander has become rated NC17 because of the offensive gas scene. This movie received its outrageous rating because of its famous scene at the gas station. In the scene, four men are smoking cigarettes while a gasoline fight breaks out. One might think that this scene was banned because it is so dangerous and stupid but, instead, the scene was banned because of the total waist of gas. Then there are those who truly believe the government is listening to them. Ha, what a joke. These foolish people believe that things like boycotting gas will make the government listen to them. Sure, it may make them listen for a little while, but we all know the prices will shoot up right in the middle of this so called “relief.” The moped has become the new way of traveling. The people of the United States thought they had a way of getting around the government and the high gas prices. For a little while, their plan was working. To try to fight back, the government decided to raise the gas prices to try to get the most for their money since people were now able to fill up on a gallon on gas. However, in the winter, especially cases in northern states such as Michigan, there were reportedly two hundred deaths from people freezing to death from being on their mopeds in the winter. Police would literally have to peal people off of their mopeds who froze to death while waiting at a stop light. The government actually felt bad so they decided to lower the gas prices in the winter. While this convinced some people to start driving again, it didn’t fool all of them. Soon enough hate crimes began to arise which meant more violence over the gas prices that the government had to deal with. The crimes weren’t in the usual norm of hate crimes they weren’t targeted against a specific race of type of people but against those who tried to fill up at the gas station. They actually became quite violent. Millions were hospitalized and other people, old people, women, and children began to stand outside gas stations holding signs and singing chants about lower gas prices. During, the 2008 presidential election, Senator Barak Obama and John McCain tried their hardest to lower the gas prices because it was getting so expensive while they were campaigning. As they tried to persuade the states to drop their prices, they tried to deny what they were doing. However, if people paid close enough attention, a sudden drop in gas prices could be seen wherever Senator Obama or McCain were. President George Bush came up with a “bright idea.” This bright idea was to convince the rest of the government to give free gas to everyone. In addition to gaining the approval of the citizens of the United States, he was tired of not being able to fly down to Texas whenever he wanted, or take his leisurely trips in his hummer limo. Now, no one will have to pay for gas. The rest of the government tried to talk him out of this idea. Even the Vice President said it was a bad idea. Nevertheless, he is the president and it seems he finally realized how much the citizens of the United States hate him. Now, instead of sending out jury duty notices, people received free gas notices. On top of that, gas was now used as in incentive to do things. For example, when people registered to vote, paid their taxes three months in advanced, and enlisted in the army, free gas was given to them and their family. Surprisingly this worked amazingly well. This is where George Bush’s plan came to an end. Soon, the United States began to run out of gas. They tried to borrow from other countries but they too were soon unwilling to offer their help because without charging for gas, the United States had run out of money. Now, George Bush was right back where he started and worst of all he couldn’t take rides in his limo. His next plan was siphoning. This is the process of draining gas out of a gas tank through a straw by means of sucking it through your mouth. Who would have thought that George Bush would have to result to this? Now, everyday somewhere in the middle of his morning run he has to find a car full of gas to siphon. This is a hard task for the President of the United States to do without being seen or caught. Sadly, his body guards knew what he was up to. However, being the loyal guards they are, they turn a blind eye to the deceitful misconduct he performs every day. As good at sucking up that gasoline as he is, he can only get enough to provide for himself. Now, another problem has arisen. Once again, George Bush has let down the people of his country. There is almost no more gas to be found. The President of the United States has started going into the slums and ghetto to find any spare amount of gas he can. Not only does he now have to be careful of getting caught he now has to be careful of being shot. He hasn’t exactly been siphoning in the friendliest parts of the area. His stress level was at a new peak, even for the President of the United States. He was almost running out of places to turn to. With one last spot in mind, he went to his final destination. This was the head office of the Democratic Party. If caught there, he was in for it in more ways than one. He soon came upon Barak Obama’s black Audi A4. Without delay he started his siphoning. Bush usually had his body guards with to keep watch but this time he came alone. It was a difficult task to suck gas through a straw while simultaneously keeping watch. This was especially challenging for George W. In the few seconds that he took his eyes off of the straw the gas had reached the top. I guess those Eyes of Texas weren’t upon him at that time. The next thing he knew he was swallowing the gas. He could feel his eyes begin to bug out of his head. He didn’t know what was going to happen. The next thing he knew he was on all fours. There was an intense burning feeling in his throat and his stomach. Now he was throwing up everywhere. The next thing he knew the world became cloudy and closed in on him as he passed out. He awoke to Barak Obama. He was standing there shaking his hand in his hospital bed saying, “Thanks George, for giving up the rest of your term in office. Now that I am president there will be change for America. This change will first start with no more siphoning!” (Cheers and applause in the background and everyone lived happily ever after! Go Obama!)
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1. drapes&hellip | December 4, 2008 at 5:51 am
Laine,
I liked the idea for this, but it reads more like an extended news report than a short story. There are quite a few spelling/grammar issues as well. There were also moments of brilliance, like when you talked about the underground groups and the Zoolander bit. Great idea, but the execution could have been better. You needed to follow the style of Vonnegut a bit more closely.